A Path To Immortality

I've always wondered what I look like through someone else's eyes. What do they see when they look at me? How would they describe me if they had to? Would they describe me through my facial features? Or would they visualize my expressions, my laughter or even my temper tantrums? We look at ourselves everyday. I highly doubt there's a face in this world we know better than our own. But at the same time, there's so much we don't know. What may seem completely ordinary to us, could be special to someone else.
I've always believed that we are the quickest to find flaws in ourselves, in our lives. We look at everyone else's lives, we think they've got it all sorted out and that we are the ones with the problematic life. But the truth is, we're all screwed up. Everything can't always be okay in everyone's lives. But we are blind to this. In a similar manner, we are oblivious to flaws in other people (unless we don't like them, of course. Then we begin to invent flaws for them).
How I would love for an author to describe me. It would be like looking at myself through someone else's eyes. Seeing what they see, judging what they judge. There's nothing quite like being written about. It's perhaps one of the only ways to be immortalized. Even if it is just a couple of lines, you're there in those words, forever. What would they say, I wonder. Would they talk about my loud laugh, my irascible temper, my fire breathing dragon nostrils (only when I'm angry), my wide smile, my bracelets manner of walking or the fat around my waist? Or will it be something else altogether? What stands out?
What do you see when you look at somebody? Like, really look at them. Me, I notice their smile, I notice the expression in their eyes, their manner of speaking, their voices and of course their physical appearance. I've tried it a few times. Writing about people I know-describing them without giving away their identity. It's fascinating to see how different my description of them is from their self-perception. And I know I'm being narcissistic, but honestly, I'd like to read an unbiased descriprion of myself written out beautifully. I'd like to be immortalized. To know that those words are permanent. For me, for the writer and for anyone else who reads it. That's not much to ask now, is it? :P

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

Being a student of psychology, we are told about a number of personality disorders, both minor and major. In my opinion, all of us are our very own personalized brand of screwed up. Some, more than others. Our hang-ups, our insecurities, our flaws. Some of us are just better at hiding it than others. Me, I'm not an even-tempered person. You could even call me short-tempered. You definitely could, actually. I'm prone to frequent fits of irritation. What sets it off? Could be anything. It could be my mother and sister laughing at something silly I did, it could be me feeling resentful about an opportunistic person trying to take advantage or hell, it could be the fact that I can't eat what I want at a bakery because someone ordered the last piece. I can be so incredibly immature, I surprise myself. I wonder how people put up with me and stick around. It can't be easy, considering I'm quite the Mount Vesuvius (flared nostrils, screechy voice; the whole shebang.) I try, I really do. I try not to lose my head. But then when my temper is triggered off, I cant stop it. It's like the rational part of me is telling me,"Shut up, you're making a scene and embarrassing yourself". But the damage is done. I'm like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Honestly, I wonder if I should go for counselling sometimes. I think back on all my temper tantrums and I want to curl up in a ball in a dark room because I feel so embarrassed. 

So what is my personalized brand of screwed-up? A short fuse in my brain that leaves destruction in its wake? A lack of empathy that I display every time I push myself off the edge? I guess I'm still figuring that out.

I wrote the beginning of this post a while ago. So I dont know with what intentions I wrote it. And I went off on my own tangent today. Sorry :P