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Wednesday, 19 November 2014

Fighting Inner Demons

It never takes much to annoy me. In fact, its actually quite simple to get me all riled up. Call me fat, call me dumb or just be indecisive. Its not a fantastic trait to have, I know. I'll probably get nowhere if I put that on my resume.
My mom says I should meditate to get rid of all that negative energy that I have bottled up inside of me. Because when I'm annoyed, I 'radiate' negativity and basically repel anyone in sight. The ones who come close enough usually end up getting scorched. So, I sat down today, thinking, "I haven't written in a really long time! God that's annoying!" And my thoughts randomly reach a point where I begin to wonder why I was even thinking about it.
Today, I thought about why I get annoyed so easily. And no, I couldn't come up with a solution. If only life was a cakewalk, my friends. But I do have a theory. I think I get annoyed so easily because I'm more annoyed with myself than with anyone else and I have the selfish tendency of projecting it on others. Quite unfair, isn't it? But how does one get rid of the feeling of being annoyed with oneself? However minor your inner demons maybe. It could be the inability to learn a skill that everyone else seems to be doing with aplomb. It could be not being able to lose those few extra kilos. It could be anything. How does one battle oneself? I don't think there's a right answer to that. We just have to suck it up and take it one day at a time. Swallow the nasty remarks that are at the tip of your tongue. Smile away the frown. Take the anger away with a few deep breaths. Do it meticulously until it becomes second nature.
And, I know my post was probably repetitive. But I just heard my mom talking about rebellion in teenagers. And my tendency to start either screaming or weeping when I feel cornered. God. I just realised how much of a wuss I am. I'd want to give myself a good shake too if I was in her place. But, I promise my next post will be better!

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