Becoming More Like Myself

My first post in the New Year. But don't fret, I'm not going to write something along the lines of that ridiculous "New year, New me" nonsense. I can't believe that anyone can just change with a snap of a finger, or quite literally, in the matter of a few seconds. We are, and always will be, irrevocably ourselves-all the good and all the bad. We can consciously attempt to always do the right thing, but at our core, we cannot change. So, instead of a "New Year, New Me", why don't we choose "New Year, More Me"? We try so hard to emulate the actions of those we aspire to, not understanding the fact that we aspire to them because they are unafraid to be who they are. And even if they are, they consciously make an effort to be true to themselves.
I've idolized my sister all my life, always wanting to be as pretty and smart as she is. I even went to the extent of writing that I wanted to grow up to be her in a slambook (and she never lets me forget It). It bothered me that however much I tried, I couldn't be her. For the longest time, I copied the way she dressed (I still do sometimes), the way she did her hair; I even copied her shyness! I had convinced myself that plain old me couldn't possibly hold any appeal to anyone and the only route to getting people to like me was to behave like her. Like every tragedy ever written, I failed to realise that I wasn't her and I could never be her. In the same way, she could never be me.  If we were all supposed to have the same qualities, we would be mass produced in a factory or in a field. We would have the same personality, the same constitution; and any kinks would be fixed the way we update our phone apps to remove bugs. We may as well be robots. Where's the fun in that? Its our flaws, our kinks that make us who we are. It makes us interesting.
I don't keep resolutions. I've never been able to follow through on any of them. But this year, I've decided that I'm going to be ME. I'm not going to try to fit myself into a box. I'm going to be real and I'm going to be authentic. I'm going to be the best possible version of myself-unadulterated and unfiltered. Along the way, I could possibly discover a side of me that I never even knew existed. I am turning 21 soon-about time, don't you think?

New Year's Eve

New Year's Eve has to be the most overrated day of the year. You're actually under pressure to have fun. Where's the fun in that? You dress up, pay to go to some party where the music is so loud that you can't hear your own voice much less anyone else's, dance in your heels till your feet are sore, scream "Happy New Year" at midnight and then what? Its like this huge drumroll seeming like it's leading up to something awesome and then falls flat. What do you do next? It's back to the real world. Back to our ruts, our unglamorous lives. It's almost like the withdrawal symptoms when recovering from an addiction. Why should there be so much pressure to have fun? It's like a system of one-upmanship. Who had the most fun last night? Who danced the night away? Who was at the most happening place? New Year's Eve is basically planned spontaneity-how ridiculous does that sound? But like other traditions, I guess this is one too. Despite how annoying some of them can be, we indulge in them because it's what we do. We cant really do without them. We could ease up on the pressure though. Not all of us are party animals (myself included). Ironically, I have a party to go to tonight. Ah well, farewell 2016! It wasn't particularly nice knowing you and 2017, please be good!