The Plight Of Our Generation

Why is it that we believe that everyone is interested in our lives? We live in this state of hyperactivity on social media, updating every second of our day, somehow believing that people must be so fascinated by us and our 'happening' lives. When did we become so narcissistic? Why did we become so narcissistic?
When I bought a Moto E, everyone was shocked because, how in the world can I live without a front camera? How can I survive without taking a selfie? Nobody really cares, we're all too caught up with our own lives to focus on someone else's visit to Starbucks or whatever the latest cool place is. For that matter, why do I think people should read my blog? I'm not saying anything revolutionary or game changing. I'm just a young girl, not even a dot on the world map. Who cares what I say? How can I be so presumptuous as to assume that anybody would want to read what I write?
Why should every meal begin with a photo taken on Snapchat? Why should a photo session take place every time you meet a friend instead of actually having a conversation? Why? We've forgotten what it is to converse. When was the last time you had a meaningful conversation with a friend that didn't consist of what's up's and Ks? I'm equally guilty. I do it too.
Why can't we put our phones down? Why can't we stop making those goddamn duck faces? Frankly, I just find those disturbing. Why can't we stop adding filters to our pictures trying to make ourselves look beautiful in pictures? You don't look like yourself after a point, you know that? And you aren't fooling anyone. Why has taking selfies become a necessity? Why can't we just be? Live in the moment and not ruin it by saying, "let's take a selfie". Don't let it pass you by. Learn to be content. Learn to be happy. And then you won't feel the need to show it the world. Your smile will speak for itself.

Making A Choice

I've always found it incredibly difficult to make a choice when it counts. I'm scared. I'm so scared I'll make the wrong decision. I find myself wishing I was one of those people who have their lives planned out for themselves.
Its easy to fall into a rut. Believing that life will work out somehow. But that never really is the case is it? You go through your entire school life being told that you need good marks to ensure a good future for yourself. Then you reach college and that's not enough. You need a plan. Not just a plan, you need a backup plan as well, in case the first one falls through. You need to think through the contingencies, make allowances for them. It never ends. Its times like these I wish I'd chosen a more standard path - a Chartered Accountant or an engineer. Why did I choose the arts, I ask myself. I could just as easily have gone into the B.Com or BBA streams. My path would have been pretty much set then. But I chose arts. Because, for once in my life I wanted to do something I enjoyed. The world was my oyster. Little did I know that the oyster has sharp teeth that are closing in on you slowly.
So how do you know if you're making the right decision? Can't there be a dress rehearsal? If only we were that lucky

Roman Holiday

As I sat at the dining table with my mom, I expressed my desire to watch a sweet, romantic film. My mom suggested 'Roman Holiday'. Even though I've watched it quite a few times, I can't help but love Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck. A princess who's getting her first taste of freedom in Rome, and a journalist who happens to come across her as he goes home and stands a chance to write the story of a lifetime.
But when my mom suggested we watch it, I said that I wished the ending was different. Every time I watched it, I prayed that the ending would be different. (Spoiler alert ahead)
She goes back to her duties. Even though she would love to run away with him, she decides to do the honourable thing by fulfilling her duty towards her country. And him? He doesn't publish the story at all. The first time I watched it, I was so upset that they didn't end up together and I thought to myself, "Can't she be with him and still carry out her duties?" If only life were that simple. My mother said that it was the perfect love story. They'd never ever see each other's faults. That one perfect day would forever remain with them. Fairy tales end when they do because that's when the real problems begin. This way, they'll be each other's biggest 'what-ifs'. Even though they haven't ridden off into the sunset, they have their memories. Memories of that first, perfect, pure love. And nothing and nobody can change the way they felt about each other at that moment.

Sure, if it was a Bollywood movie, it would have ended with them in each other's arms; otherwise, the audience might have killed the makers of the film. But by ending it in this manner, you're simultaneously left with moist eyes and a smile. Tears for the fact that they will never see each other again and a smile for the fact that the time that they spent together is something that no one can forget. Not them, not us. And after all, who doesn't love Audrey Hepburn? I, for one, would love to look like her. That gorgeous smile, those innocent eyes, that slender frame and her graceful movement. She's just lovely. Almost as if she was born to be a princess. And although I'll always associate Gregory Peck with Atticus Finch of 'To Kill A Mockingbird', he's incredibly charming and lovable as the journalist. And their love story? Its one for the ages.

Alone, But Not Lonely

I love to just be. I could stay in one place for the entire day if I had a book or my laptop and food. I've never felt the need to get up and run. I've never felt the compulsion to do something. I'm happiest when I'm by myself. I don't know how many hours I've wiled away just thinking about the most random things, whether they are of consequence or not. I've never felt lonely when I'm alone.
I find a certain solace in being by myself which I rarely find with other people. I can wear my shorts and ratty t-shirts and just chill. I also have the ability to conduct endless conversations with myself. Probably a sign of madness, I know. But I visualize scenarios and imagine what I'd say or do, I sing at the top of my voice, I dance with complete abandon, I yell away my anger and frustration over something, I even laugh at my own jokes. I like my company.
My mom thinks I like being by myself a little too much. But hey, I don't do anything in small measures. I think everyone should know how to be. Just be. Life isn't all about getting to the next big or happening thing. Its also about learning to savour and cherish the now. Its about living in the moment. Life isn't just about crossing items off your bucket list. Its about getting to them when you get to them. Life isn't just a race to the finish line, its about making friends along the way. Life is about dancing in the rain, playing under the sun, sitting around a bonfire with a hot cup of coffee in winter. Life is about learning to be comfortable in your skin. Life is about learning to be comfortable with people as well as without them. Life is about independence and freedom. Its about pushing your limits and knowing when to stop. Its about reaching for the stars and yet finding your home. Sometimes life can be a roller-coaster ride and sometimes it can be a cruise down a serene river.

There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Frankly, I don't understand how anyone can't not like their own company. I mean, it's you; if you don't like yourself, how in the world do you expect anyone else to like you? It's common sense, isn't it? If you can't stand spending a few hours by yourself, without chatting with anyone, how do you expect somebody to spend the entire day with you? If you bore yourself, won't you bore everyone else as well? Food for thought, isn't it?

Confessions of a Lovestruck Teenager

Before jumping to any conclusions by reading the title, I haven't actually fallen in love, I've just been watching 'Zindagi Gulzar Hai', a Pakistani TV serial starring the dreamy Fawad Khan. Cue my mom's comment on what a lecherous creature I am. Admittedly, I do drool over Adam Levine, Hrithik Roshan, Shahrukh Khan (especially DDLJ!), Chris Evans and probably countless others like nobody's business. But hey! I'm a young woman, what'd you expect?
Contributing to the frivolity of this post, what makes Fawad Khan even more amazing is the fact that he married his long term girlfriend. He proposed to her at the age of 17! How cute is that? I mean, how often do you hear that in Bollywood? Its always about pouncing on the next hot thing that walks into tinsel town. When you see something like that, it makes you believe in lasting love.
I ponder way too much on love, don't I? I guess its because I've never been in love myself, not counting all the Nicholas Sparks' heroes. Although, those guys fell in love with remarkably different women. I've never been like a Nicholas Sparks heroine. I'm irritable, I'm stubborn, I'm lazy, I can be incredibly selfish and self-centered, I can be a lot of things. So, I guess its a good thing that those guys don't actually exist, because well, I wouldn't stand a chance.
Ah well, expect a few more of these posts over the years, until I fall in love. Till my next post, drool over these GIFs of Fawad Khan. Isn't he just amazing? Sometimes I surprise myself with my weirdness. Sorry :P I promise a better post the next time!

The Thing About Growing Up is...

The thing about growing up is.. that it absolutely sucks. I'm 19 years old, I just finished my first year of college and frankly, I've never been more confused about my future. And somehow, everybody seems to assume that I have to have everything figured out by now. Do I want to go into the civil services? Do I want to get my PhD and teach? Do I want to practice as a psychologist? Do I want to get an MBA? God! My head will explode! I'm 19, for God's sake! I'm still trying to figure out how to make my skin all glowing and unblemished and you want to know what I want to do for the rest of my life? The truth is, I'm frightened. I'm frightened of the world that is out there. I'm frightened that I won't be good enough, I'm terrified that I might fail and let down everybody who had the courage to believe in me. I'm terrified that I won't make the right decision.
Why is everything about sorting yourself out? Why can't it be about reveling in the fact that none of us are perfect and that we don't need to kill ourselves aspiring to be an ideal? Why does MY paycheck have to be the biggest? Why do we have to be a size that defies our bone structure? Why do we have to be a colour that defies our genes? Why do we NEED to be the best? Why do we need to try so hard? Aren't we taking the joy out of everything we love by making it a rat race? Why can't we learn to just take a deep breath and live in the moment? Why does EVERYTHING have to be about the future? I'm not saying that we shouldn't think about the future at all. I'm saying that we shouldn't put ourselves in a position where we're always worried about what happens next. So, yes, knowing what you want to do is important. It's very important.But we can't let that blind us to the present.
At the age of 50, do we really want to look back and wonder? Do we really want to have a boatload of what-ifs? Do we really want regrets? All of us have to grow up. We do. But why can't we have fun doing it? Why should growing up only be associated with increased responsibilities, increasing stress, a struggle to stay fit, so on and so forth? When put like that, you can't be surprised that none of us want to grow up.
I realize the futility of this post, I do. I didn't really come to a conclusion. And I know that I need to come up with a decision pretty soon. It's just something I needed to say. It's something I've wanted to say for a while and maybe one day, I'll have an answer. But right now, all I think is, that I don't want to look back years later and feel that I did everything I needed, but nothing I wanted. Man, I'm screwed up.

Blowing Off Steam

I'm not in a very good mood. In fact, I'm in a terrible mood. Raging and pacing like an angry bull. Everything seems to be annoying me. I don't know what set it off. Oh wait! It was the electrician. Who, like always was late. Tardiness pisses me off to no end. Having always been the punctual one among my peers, I'm used to waiting around for them. I just don't have it in me to be late for something. It agitates me. When someone tells me I have to be somewhere at a certain time, I ensure I'm there at least 5 minutes in advance. I don't know if its some obsessive compulsive thing. Despite knowing that my friends are going to be late, I feel the need to be right on time. I have no idea if its a good habit or not.
I find it incredibly rude when someone is late, especially after a certain time is decided upon. You owe it to the person you promised to be present at the assigned time. Nobody likes waiting. I, for one, can't stand it. My mind just heats up and I say the most nasty things in my head. I'm filled with the need to throttle somebody. The longest I've waited for a friend to come is an hour. I don't know why I did it. I really wonder if I'm the fool in all this. If nobody is ever on time, why should I be? Why should I be the one standing around like some security guard staring at everyone who passes hoping its the person I'm waiting for? Why?
I really am a sucker. It's a habit I can't get rid of even if I desperately want to. It's so ingrained in me that I can't function without it.
God. This blog should be called 'The Ramblings of a Lunatic'