Faith

Sometimes I wonder what is more important-faith or love? By faith, I dont mean faith in God. I mean faith in a person. It's easy to love someone but have no faith in them. But if you don't love someone, you can never have faith in them. Faith, to me, is an irrevocable belief that you can do it. No matter what anyone says. I have faith in a lot of things. I have faith in my mother, in my sister. I have faith that somewhere out there, my soul mate is waiting for me. I have faith that I will find my way. I have faith that everyone has good in them. I have faith in the idea of faith. Having someone have faith in you is frightening and exhilarating. You don't want to let them down, but it somehow propels you to work harder. When someone doesn't have faith in you, or you don't have faith in yourself, what's going to push you to succeed? I think faith is even more important than love. Because you rarely choose whom you love. But you can choose to have faith in that person. Faith is something that you have to earn. You can love your dog with all your heart, but you needn't have faith that it's not going to eat up the trash when you're not looking.
I'm still working on having faith in myself. Its not as easy as it looks. It's only when I believe that I can do it that others can take a leap of faith when it comes to me.

The Thing About Growing Up is...

The thing about growing up is.. that it absolutely sucks. I'm 19 years old, I just finished my first year of college and frankly, I've never been more confused about my future. And somehow, everybody seems to assume that I have to have everything figured out by now. Do I want to go into the civil services? Do I want to get my PhD and teach? Do I want to practice as a psychologist? Do I want to get an MBA? God! My head will explode! I'm 19, for God's sake! I'm still trying to figure out how to make my skin all glowing and unblemished and you want to know what I want to do for the rest of my life? The truth is, I'm frightened. I'm frightened of the world that is out there. I'm frightened that I won't be good enough, I'm terrified that I might fail and let down everybody who had the courage to believe in me. I'm terrified that I won't make the right decision.
Why is everything about sorting yourself out? Why can't it be about reveling in the fact that none of us are perfect and that we don't need to kill ourselves aspiring to be an ideal? Why does MY paycheck have to be the biggest? Why do we have to be a size that defies our bone structure? Why do we have to be a colour that defies our genes? Why do we NEED to be the best? Why do we need to try so hard? Aren't we taking the joy out of everything we love by making it a rat race? Why can't we learn to just take a deep breath and live in the moment? Why does EVERYTHING have to be about the future? I'm not saying that we shouldn't think about the future at all. I'm saying that we shouldn't put ourselves in a position where we're always worried about what happens next. So, yes, knowing what you want to do is important. It's very important.But we can't let that blind us to the present.
At the age of 50, do we really want to look back and wonder? Do we really want to have a boatload of what-ifs? Do we really want regrets? All of us have to grow up. We do. But why can't we have fun doing it? Why should growing up only be associated with increased responsibilities, increasing stress, a struggle to stay fit, so on and so forth? When put like that, you can't be surprised that none of us want to grow up.
I realize the futility of this post, I do. I didn't really come to a conclusion. And I know that I need to come up with a decision pretty soon. It's just something I needed to say. It's something I've wanted to say for a while and maybe one day, I'll have an answer. But right now, all I think is, that I don't want to look back years later and feel that I did everything I needed, but nothing I wanted. Man, I'm screwed up.