Awaiting My Fate

With a little more than 24 hours to my results, my heart has already started beating faster. Fear of doing badly isn't something that is new to me. But it doesn't make it any less painful.

I feel like melting into a puddle on the floor, never to emerge until after the buzz of the results are over. 

I've never been a star student much to the chagrin of my mother, who is convinced that I just never pushed myself hard enough. While that is true, I never really wanted to push myself that hard, although I wanted to be top of the class. I'm a creature of contradictions, yes. My mind was much happier reminiscing about a book that I was reading, or a movie that I had watched recently rather than listening to what the teacher was saying to the class. The only class where I really paid attention was English. I've always loved the subject. Maybe because I've never found it hard. It gave me a license to dream. It gave me the freedom to imagine and believe. It still gives me joy to imagine that, perhaps, one day my stories would be taught in school. Although I hope I won't be cursed at as much as I heard my friends cursing at Shakespeare. 

I'd devote my attention to English, neglecting necessary subjects like Math and Accounts. As a result, I think my mom and sister were afraid I would flunk my board exams. We will just have to wait and see, won't we? 17th of May, 3 p.m isn't so far away. Fingers crossed!