Knowing What To Say

Some of us are lucky enough to born with the gift of the gab. Some of us learn it as we grow up. And unfortunately, some of us never acquire the skill of knowing what to say when. And these guys? They're usually in the majority.
When speaking to others, there are things that you can say and things that you can't. For example, you never ask a girl that's been recently jilted at the altar about her love life. Then why can't some people keep a zip on their mouths?
Our mouths are like DVD players. Sometimes you have to pause; sometimes you have to rewind; and sometimes you change the track. And like all DVD players, ours' need servicing as well. Some don't stop. Some don't start. Some stop abruptly between dialogue and some actually do the opposite of what you want them to.
All of us have made a faux pas more than once. We're only human. However, there are those of us who make such errors everyday, not realising the effect it has on the person we're saying it to. I wonder why they don't teach us etiquette at school. Is it something that we're expected to be naturally endowed with? Because most of us aren't. We can say the worst things at the worst times and not even realise it. There are different ways of talking to people. Politely, confrontationally, warmly, coldly, aggressively and of course passive  aggressively. Passive aggression is something all of us have experienced and we've probably used it on others without thinking. The thing about passive aggression is you really don't know how to respond without sounding like you're blowing things out of proportion. Passive aggression is ugly. It can be snide, laced with malice; its a thinly veiled insult. And it usually pops up out of nowhere. It fascinates me. What could possibly prompt someone to say something like that?  What are our deepest thoughts? Why are we all capable of such darkness? Passive aggression is just our way of letting out something that we've been steaming over. Its a subconscious reaction. Always at the back of our head. Like a little imp, making mischief and is never found at the scene of the crime.
There are always things to be said. There is always a time for them. There also things that needn't be said-they may not be true, or they may be completely apparent. And the trick is to know when to say what and what not to say at all. Not an easy trick, I suppose.

The Cliches We So Easily Fall Into

The easiest thing to do in the world is to fall into a stereotype. Its easy to be what everyone thinks you are. Being the younger sister, people naturally assume I'll be the spoilt and pampered one. Also, I'll probably be the rebel-trying to be as different as I can from my elder, wiser sibling.
We look to clichés because clichés are comfortable. They're familiar. They're easy to understand. Its easier to understand people when you can compartmentalise them into little boxes. The pretty one, the aggressive one, the smart one, the rebellious one, the gentle one. Facets are hard to comprehend. Its simpler to think of the intelligent girl as the one who studies all the time. When that probably isn't true. She most certainly will have a life that is beyond her books.
So, instead of compartmentalising people, why don't we take the time to get to know them? Their likes, their dislikes, their habits, their quirks. Why don't we take the time to form our opinion, instead of making assumptions?
And why do we compartmentalise ourselves? Why do I, the younger one, have to be the irresponsible one? Why does my sister have to be the model student? Why does a stay-at-home mom have to portrayed as harrowed and running after her children (Mrs. Weasley comes to mind)? Why does the businessman have to be stiff and stodgy? Why does the artist have to be broody? Why? Why don't we break these stereotypes? To be who we want to be? Why do we restrict ourselves to a path? There's time yet for us to grow up. And when we do choose, we choose on our terms. Why shouldn't I be ambitious, yet playful? Why shouldn't a businessman play football with the juniors? Why should the smart girl always have her nose in her book? Why shouldn't the sporty guy also be equally intelligent?
We are who we let ourselves be. If I decide that I am worthless and I'm not going to amount to anything, its a self fulfilling prophecy. I HAVE to believe that I am capable of more. Sure, I may not be lucky enough to give a speech on TED, but I need to have faith in my skills, in my talent. We all do. Its the first step to achievement.

Wanderlust

I have lived in Hyderabad all my life. And frankly, I now want to experience living somewhere else. And by that I don't mean going somewhere for a holiday. I mean actual living. I haven't known anything other than Hyderabad. And I think the world has much more to offer. But where to live? I wish I could snap my fingers and teleport anywhere in the world to experience that way of life. I want to travel before I settle. I want to go to the top of the Eiffel Tower to look at Paris. I want to see the Tower of London and the ravens that guard it, I want to see the Parthenon, the Colosseum and the Sistine Chapel. I want to see the pyramids in Giza. I want to see the Sagrada Famiglia once it's finally done, once Gaudi's vision is finally complete. I want to breathe the smell of freshly baked bread in the mornings in France. I want to see the temples in Madurai.I want to visit the gardens of Kashmir. I want to go to Ladakh to see the magnificence of natural beauty. I want to see the Grand Canyon. There's so much I want to do. Yet, I don't know if I'll ever have the time to do all of it. I'm no longer satisfied being the frog in the well.
The one thing dictionaries do is that they make everything boring. They make every word sound boring. It's like a robot talking mechanically. Here is one-
"Travel is the movement of people between relatively distant geographical locations, and can involve travel by foot, bicycle, automobile, train, boat, airplane, or other means, with or without luggage, and can be one way or round trip. Travel can also include relatively short stays between successive movements."
How lovely. It's like going to Paris and saying, "I flew to Paris. I saw the river Seine. I saw the Eiffel Tower. I saw the Louvre. I ate macaroons. I came back." It completely diminishes the taste and beauty of travel. Travel isn't just about checking tourist attractions off a list. It's about trying the local food-even if you end up not liking it. It's about sitting in one place and just cherishing where you are and whom you're with. It's about learning a new culture, so different from your own, yet you find something to identify with. The desire to travel is wanderlust. What a beautiful word for a beautiful experience. So, I have an endless list of places I want to go to. And I know that I probably might never get to see all of them. And I also know that the list has just begun. And part of the allure of travel is the endless possibilities of where you could go. It's about dreaming a dream with someone you care about. It's about making memories. Whether it's where you go. Or whether its the plans you make that may not see the light of day. It's about stories. It's about opening your eyes to the unknown. It's wanderlust...

Fighting Inner Demons

It never takes much to annoy me. In fact, its actually quite simple to get me all riled up. Call me fat, call me dumb or just be indecisive. Its not a fantastic trait to have, I know. I'll probably get nowhere if I put that on my resume.
My mom says I should meditate to get rid of all that negative energy that I have bottled up inside of me. Because when I'm annoyed, I 'radiate' negativity and basically repel anyone in sight. The ones who come close enough usually end up getting scorched. So, I sat down today, thinking, "I haven't written in a really long time! God that's annoying!" And my thoughts randomly reach a point where I begin to wonder why I was even thinking about it.
Today, I thought about why I get annoyed so easily. And no, I couldn't come up with a solution. If only life was a cakewalk, my friends. But I do have a theory. I think I get annoyed so easily because I'm more annoyed with myself than with anyone else and I have the selfish tendency of projecting it on others. Quite unfair, isn't it? But how does one get rid of the feeling of being annoyed with oneself? However minor your inner demons maybe. It could be the inability to learn a skill that everyone else seems to be doing with aplomb. It could be not being able to lose those few extra kilos. It could be anything. How does one battle oneself? I don't think there's a right answer to that. We just have to suck it up and take it one day at a time. Swallow the nasty remarks that are at the tip of your tongue. Smile away the frown. Take the anger away with a few deep breaths. Do it meticulously until it becomes second nature.
And, I know my post was probably repetitive. But I just heard my mom talking about rebellion in teenagers. And my tendency to start either screaming or weeping when I feel cornered. God. I just realised how much of a wuss I am. I'd want to give myself a good shake too if I was in her place. But, I promise my next post will be better!

A Letter To Oneself

Hey! You there in the mirror! Who are you? You sure look like me, but you don't seem insecure. You look confident. You don't look like you're worried about the little flab you have around your waist. You look like a girl who knows she's attractive, not one who wants to slip back into your shorts and baggy t-shirts
Its a scary world out there, you know? Full of treachery and heartbreak. You'll find happiness, you'll find friends, but you will also find betrayal and pain. Don't let that ruin your smile. Don't let that silence your laugh. Your eyes that sparkle with hope and promise of what might be waiting for you; don't let them dim. Don't pay any heed to people who try to make you feel bad about yourself, about your body, about your mind. Remember, you can't be made to feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt said that. And don't you ever forget that.
No one knows you the way you know yourself. And always remember to love yourself. Stroke your ego a little. It never harmed anybody. Don't forget to smile. Cry too, but most of the time, smile. So remember, keep your eyes sparkling, your smile bright and your laugh contagious.

The Girl Who Never Wanted To Grow Up

I've grown up listening to fairy tales. Not just listening, watching the movies repeatedly. So much so, that I knew the lyrics to every song. I knew every line before it was spoken. I always loved the stories of the princesses and the concept of love at first sight. But my absolute favourite, the one I identified with, was Peter Pan-the boy who never wanted to grow up. What an utterly brilliant idea. Being an adult isn't at all what we thought it would be when we were kids. You really can't do what you want. You have bills to pay, you have a family to take care of, you have to work hard to earn your keep.
Whereas, being a kid is amazing. Sure, you do have to follow some rules, but most of the time you're allowed to run free. When you screw up, its okay; you're just a kid and you'll learn one day. When you're a kid, you don't realise how lucky you are. You're always complaining about some restriction or the other. What kids don't get is, adults have way more restrictions and responsibilities than we do. They can't up and run for the hills when the going gets hard. They have to stick around and fight the battle. When you're an adult, you can't walk away from your family, from your job. All of a sudden, its not just about YOU. Its about everyone in your immediate circle. You're no longer allowed to make severe mistakes. You're no longer allowed to throw tantrums and create scenes without looking like a complete moron.
I wish I could be like Peter Pan. I would be the girl who never wanted to grow up. I can't seem to think of a name for myself. But Neverland seems like a nice place to live. And if I never grow up I'll never have to worry about grown up things. Its like we shed our carefree selves once we enter the world of adults. The worry becomes second skin. Whether its worry about how you're doing your job, or its worry about how your child is doing in school, the problems are endless. Worrying is part of being an adult. I guess its because the adults worry on behalf of the kids. They take on the children's share of worry so that the kids can have the time of their lives. Mighty kind of them, isn't it? But then, they are the adults.

Demanding To Be Felt

I have never lost someone truly dear to me. Whether it is a blessing or not, I can't tell. Just recently, tragedy struck one of my friends. Her eight year old cousin passed away after a long illness. So young. We forget how fickle fate is. It giveth and it taketh away. All of us think we have all the time in the world to fulfill our dreams. When the opportunity strikes, we look away thinking it isn't the right time. And tragically, we get a brutal reminder of our mortality which bursts that happy bubble we've created for ourselves. What we don't understand is, that it is the nature of the bubble to pop; and a life without pain is incomplete. Pain and loss are an inherent part of our souls. If we can't feel those emotions, it renders us inhuman. It pains us to hear of children losing their innocence because of the things they have seen. It hurts us when we hear of a young child dying before his or her time. These emotions come naturally to us. They can't be taught.
Giving into these emotions isn't weakness. Shedding tears over someone else's tragedy isn't stupidity, it's compassion. It's a sign that there is hope for us still. In a book I'm reading,'The Inheritance of Loss', the protagonist while pondering, rhetorically asks herself if fulfillment could ever be felt as deeply as loss. Our ability to feel loss is a prerequisite for our ability to feel happiness. Because, how does one know what happiness is if they haven't experienced pain and loss in one way or another? How does one know the exquisite pleasure of a good long laugh, if they haven't wept until no more tears will come out? How does one understand the true meaning of friendship, if they haven't felt the sear of betrayal? Without pain,there isn't understanding. We bond over pain; over grief. It binds people together, doesn't alienate them. With pain, we sometimes find grit and courage. The grit to see it the whole way through and the courage to get back up even if it feels like the walls are closing in on you. Pain and loss doesn't change you, it reveals who you really are. It's a test of your character, of your humanity. You can either give up all hope and call it a day, or you can show your strength in times of adversity. We're all built tougher than we think. We just have to look within. If there truly is a God, I highly doubt he would give us more pain and loss than we could possibly bear. You can't run from pain and loss, it'll catch up. Nor can you succumb to it. You have to accept it. Treat it as part of yourself; just as the good memories are a part of you, so are the bad. John Green said that pain demands to be felt. It scorches, but it eventually heals. Pain is what makes us who we are. Pain is what invites compassion and redemption. Pain is almost like a universal language. All of us can identify with it. It unites us.